I'm Still Here
by Nagaku Tsuzuku Yami
Summary: He wasn't quite dead, somehow by the grace of an unseen God Balthazar shifted both time and space just enough to nullify the effect of what was to be a killing blow.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

With a shuddering gasp that was far too human for his liking Balthazar rolled to his side before sitting up in a daze. Looking around he quickly discovered that he was in fact alone, thankfully.

The next thing he identified was pain.

Letting out a reluctant sound of pain he forced himself to his knees, he couldn't believe how weak he felt. The only good thing he could find in this situation was the pain, it meant that he wasn't dead like he figured he would have been if he didn't shift both time and space right at the right moment before the blade he was stuck with penetrated too far into his back.

But it was taxing.

And that left him inexcusably weak. Letting out a near feral growl under his breath he staggered to his feet, stubbornness winning out and causing him to fail as he staggered for a few steps and found himself humbly on his knees again.

His grace was still humming inside of him but not as strongly as normal.

Balthazar noticed that the sun was shining and the sun's rays were warm against his body. If he didn't know better, if he wasn't so lost at the moment he would have almost felt like it was his Father reaching out. A quiet comfort. A hand on his shoulder, a quiet statement of:

"_It's okay my son, I'm here."_

Closing his eyes tightly he willed himself to stand up once more and stagger to the door, he felt numb and satisfied that he reached this far as he exited the building that was to be his place of dying. It was a beautiful day.

Moving outside more so he was away from the door but still against the building Balthazar slide to the ground, ignoring the pain in his back and how heavy his own wings felt. Burdened.

And worse, feeling the weight of what betrayal felt like.

If he was human he would be whimpering out because of that betrayal. Asking those useless questions of:

"_Why?" _

"_We were friends weren't we? _

"_Why did you have to fall so far that you would stab me in the back like a cowardly demon?" _

"_Why did you choose humans and demons over me?" _

"_You could have came to me for help far sooner rather then that no good self-appointed false king."_

But Balthazar wasn't human. Not by a long shot. He knew the answers to those questions by instinct alone. And that was as sharp of a sting as finding out about this whole foolish affair from two mere mud-monkeys dressed in denim.

Balthazar cursed Castiel and a part of him almost prayed for him to cut himself free of the darkness the former angel enveloped himself in. Pushing that down he looked to the sky unable to shake the feeling that time passed since he was stabbed in the back.

It was something he was going to have to rectify, he felt a need to know what happened to Castiel and those denim wrapped idiots that told him the truth about a friend.

Cursing them he forced himself to his feet and made sure any blood he had was hidden well enough as he done up his jacket and walked.

**Authoress Note:** Didn't like the fact that this character died, so I fixed it XD and so far the only tag on this story will be Balthazar because so far I don't know what I'm going to do with this story entirely. I do plan for him to find out what happened to Castiel and the two denim wrapped mud-monkey's that seem to muck up people's plans beautifully.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

Balthazar truly despised how fragile and how weak he felt. He was an Angel of the Lord, even though it was he rarely acted like one. He was still an Angel, and he was still powerful. Though his latest stint took more of an Angelic standing, albeit a shameful one that felt like a knife being twisted in his grace.

He played a double-agent between his oldest friend and two lowly humans who were sooner to be dead then live to a slobbering old age. But he did, and there was no going back. And for his trouble, his friend took the angel killing sword to his back without any form of hesitation or emotion.

But that was what happened to Angels who disobeyed. They were in lesser terms, offed.

And Balthazar disobeyed so many times. He rebelled and sauntered about like a mere lowly crossroad demon up until the whole staff of Moses stint.

And there was the end of his lifestyle that he was enjoying.

Was, was the key word there.

"Sir, your ticket please?" A young miserable voice interrupted his thoughts. He frowned, so many things came to mind that he could say to her in so many different languages including ancient languages no one knows how to speak anymore.

Then he caught sight of her swelling stomach and the sound of a steady quiet heartbeat reached his ears. Five months and several weeks and a couple of days. Being an Angel gave him a slightly awkward and at times unwanted insight. Despite his own irritation, he couldn't bring himself to curse her out.

All because of a steady innocent little heartbeat cradled in the insufferable hairless apes womb.

He handed her his slightly illegally purchased ticket. She did her thing, thanked him and wished him a good day. And thankfully left him to his dark miserable thoughts. What was so good about today? Sighing to himself he leaned back and closed his eyes. Not sleeping but resting. Anything to attempt to make this confining contraption more bearable.

The sounds of children didn't bother him so long as they weren't crying. The loud thing that could pass as music these days did bother him however. Humans had no sense of taste in music anymore. There was no harmony. No class to it. Granted even he could admit there was still hope, but not much. Especially considering they swooned and went insane for a kid who's quickly went from modest to insufferable little know-it-all. Any brat could pelt out a 'baby baby' song that seemed to repeat rather then have a song actually carry a story.

Like he said. No taste in music.

Needlessly said the trip was long and he was waiting for any signs of angels. Any signs of demons. Anything to let him know what's going on.

But everything was unnaturally quiet.

It bothered Balthazar more than he wanted it to. For the first time in a very long time, he felt alone. So very alone. He wondered if this was what a child felt like when separated from family? Or perhaps was this how those morons felt when separated by death or hell or the cage?

"Sir? We're here. Your stop." The same voice. This time in a better mood obviously. He opened his eyes and regarded her then her womb. He nodded as he stood up. It hurt still, he obviously wasn't healed quite yet. But then again it took more grace then he would have liked to have used. Especially with the fact that he had to create quite the light show in order to convince his old friend.

Castiel wasn't stupid.

And the Winchester brothers used him for that fact and Castiel's power. Or at least that's what it appears to have been like. Yet Castiel at one time loved them. Why? What was so damn awe inspiring about them? What was so great? A human with the blood of a demon. A human who tore souls apart in hell. What is so great about that?

And yet he helped them.

Nearly died for them while betraying a friend.

"Damn them..." Balthazar growled, but it lacked the hatred a demon could possess and the anger of someone truly fallen. Just tired frustration.

That was when he felt it...

Castiel's presence.

And it was close, within the same city as he was. But it somehow felt, wrong.

**Authoress Note: **Next up is Crazy!Cas meeting Balthazar.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It took Balthazar over an hour to figure out where Castiel was currently residing, and until the sun fell to come to a decision on what to do next. It was a hard decision with possible deadly consequences for him.

If Castiel was still like he used to be during the war that was now oddly and wrongly silent. Balthazar would be murdered. Massacred even. He wouldn't stand a chance in the state that he was currently in. He would be defenceless like the humans who slobbered over foolish things they want and need to have. Selfish hairless monkeys.

"Mister? You okay, mister?" A young concerned childish voice said to his left.

Balthazar looked down to see a young girl in pig-tails held there by pink ribbons. Innocence written on her very soul.

"Casandra come on, we have to go. Leave the gentleman alone." A woman called out, hand held out in waiting. He could see the amount of sin on her, the shame but undying love directed towards the child who bent down and picked a flower mostly seen as nothing more than a weed to be plucked and destroyed. She handed it to him.

Balthazar accepted it and watched them go.

Looking up to the sky he glowered. A silent statement of you could stop now. Every time he finds himself resenting and looking down on the human species there's always a reminder that there was something worthwhile in these hopeless lots.

And he wondered all the while about Castiel's reasons for falling. For rebelling. All for the lost species that plagued this once beautiful planet.

Was it for the innocence of that child and children like her? The love that remained pure despite the shame and sin in the mother?

Or was it simply for one person.

One corrupted, tainted and righteous Dean Winchester who's loyalties to family knew no bounds. Even if it meant going to hell.

But Dean Winchester never appreciated the loyalty he gained from Castiel, a loyalty that was just as boundless. And for that, Balthazar never liked him. Worked with him, but didn't cater to him or make things easy like Castiel liked to do.

While sitting at on a bench holding his chest lightly he felt very bitter as he eyed the sign to a hospital built and used for the mentally unstable.

His oldest friend. His betrayer and betrayed fellow angel was here. And insane.

He sensed a demon near him at all times. Glowering darkly he finally stands up and his mind wandered briefly to the child and the mother. He hoped they got home safely but at the same time it didn't concern him entirely as he focused and appeared within the halls of the building outside of a room Castiel was currently residing in.

With a demon no less!

Castiel was happily talking to her about the different types of bees there really are and how many used to exist back when insects started to flutter about on this planet. Mentioning that there was no insects in Heaven. She adds in that there's none in Hell either just to appease the scatter brained Angel.

She looked up at him. Annoyed but mocking at the same time.

Balthazar glowered at her and walked away, a clear indication that he wanted to talk.

And now.

She bid him farewell and approached Balthazar, a cautious undertone took over her full body and just beneath the cool mask she wore.

"What happened to Castiel." Balthazar bit out at her, mildly satisfied that she was rightfully concerned with her own safety.

For a moment.

"Keep in mind Angel, Castiel needs to keep me around. I'm the one looking out for him, under orders granted but all the same. He's my charge. You'll upset him if I get killed off." The demon confidently sneered up at him.

He knew she was right and cursed her for it. Balthazar sneered back at her and was mildly pleased that she backed off.

It took a short staring contest and a silent battle of wills before she spilled her guts to him. Telling him everything while they sat out of the way in a lounge for the orderlies and nurses when they needed a few seconds of peace among all this insanity.

It was a miracle that Balthazar didn't smite her or the Winchester brothers instead of sitting there rock solid. He wasn't even aware that she left.

It felt like he was stabbed in the heart again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

By the time Balthazar made his way back to the room Castiel was residing in it was 3:30 in the morning. Neither of them required sleep, so it wasn't a surprise to find Castiel sitting on his bed looking out the window.

A sorrowful expression marring his features. An Angel shouldn't be showing such emotions, they weren't built for emotions originally. Where they? After all, they weren't human. Their Fathers favorite creation. So emotions were like sudden cold water, it shocks the system because they never learnt how to deal with them or how to handle them.

It's worse after eons of not holding emotions at all in favor of being soldiers. Warriors to carry out their Father's will. HIS will.

A gasp caught his attention, Castiel was now clenching his pant legs tightly. His vessels knuckles were white showing just how hard he was holding onto his pants.

New expressions were now visible. Guilt. Remorse. Pain.

Each one was another stab to Balthazar's heart. He hated it. But that was now expected. There wasn't many things in existence that could get such honest reactions out of him. There was even fewer that he even liked or acted civil towards.

Castiel was one of those people.

"Castiel." Balthazar finally spoke, voice coming out steady despite the quack of sorrow threatening him inside.

He was being ignored. For a moment before a childish shake of Castiel's head caught his attention. Mumbled pleadings and declarations that Balthazar wasn't real. Couldn't be real. Shouldn't be real because Balthazar was dead.

A new form of guilt spread through Balthazar scaring him as much as Hellfire would if you were to fly through it's intense blaze.

"Castiel." Balthazar said, quieter this time.

"No! You... NO." Castiel snarled out, pain clearly heard in his voice. The windows shattered and the lights int he building went out. Balthazar could hear other patients of this cursed building starting to panic.

Balthazar never handled a situation like this before. Never saw his friend in such a state ever. So how was he to act? What was he supposed to do? For a moment, he almost prayed for guidance. For help. For forgiveness for his friend so his friend could be free of this burden.

He never did.

"Castiel, you have to calm down... Listen, mate. You... You have to calm down before the rest of the mud-monkeys in this building go on a riot in their fear." Balthazar tried to reason. Trying to reach out to Castiel on impulse only to have the angel pull away, stand up and put distance between them.

It hurt more than it should have.

"No. You're not him... I killed him, Balthazar. I killed one of my brothers, my oldest friend. I... I betrayed everyone. I... You... You're not Balthazar, you're here to cause me harm..." Castiel forced out, not looking at Balthazar but pointing to his direction while slightly cowering.

"If I'm not Balthazar, then who am I?" Balthazar asked and fought the temptation to go over there to his friend, comfort him. Instead he just stood there and allowed Castiel to make the first move. And he did so with a simple action of making eye-contact.

Balthazar kept eye-contact with Castiel when it was made. No emotion and a sureness a soldier would be proud of was in those blue eyes before fading to pain and misery.

"Lucifer." Castiel declared with an icy hatred that didn't fit the frail looking angel.

Balthazar held his breath for a moment. Was that who Castiel thought he was?! That no good treacherous prick?! Balthazar once more cursed the Winchesters for putting this burden on Castiel. It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair.

"Castiel, listen to me. You have to listen to me... I'm not him, I'm not that sulphur loving angel. I'm Balthazar... I'm only Balthazar." Balthazar tried to reason. His voice was threatening to waver. He also wanted to smite something or someone.

"You can't be Balthazar. I stabbed him in the back. I killed him!" Castiel insisted savagely as he pressed himself to the wall. Hands holding his own head. Balthazar was confused at why he wasn't fleeing or fighting back, all of those signs shows to one of those instincts taking hold.

"I am! I shifted both time and space in order to save my own neck." Balthazar persisted with a blind hope taking over his reasoning. Castiel wasn't the only one showing unnatural behavior for an angel. Balthazar wasn't acting as he should either.

"Lair!" Castiel snarled out, the room crackling with an angel's power. Balthazar felt chilled because of it, he remembered still what it felt like to be within the presence of an angry angel like it was yesterday.

"Leave... You're upsetting the angel here." Meg interrupted as she entered the room in an annoyed expression on her face.

"Meg..." Castiel said, his voice going from angry to weak. He foolishly trusted the demon. Why! Was it because the Winchesters left her here to look after him? Could Castiel be so foolish still? Could the damn Winchesters be this foolish as well? He wouldn't doubt it.

"It's fine Cas, it's okay." Meg soothed, though it didn't fit her due to what she was. Balthazar tried to sneer but it came out as a slight twitch of his facial muscles.

"Treacherous..." Balthazar started, angry but no fire behind that anger. He was tired from the news of this situation and the injury he was still healing from somehow.

"No name calling sweetheart, you're upsetting the kid." Meg taunted venomously. Balthazar knew she was right though, just looking at Castiel he knew the angel couldn't take any more of this. Tonight anyway.

So Balthazar left as silently as he came. He found himself in a deserted road leading to a crossroad. The very one he used to use when moonlighting as a crossroad demon.

Collapsing to the ground Balthazar did the one thing he never thought possible for himself. For an angel who was as tarnished as he was.

He wept.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Thoroughly embarrassed and frustrated Balthazar took a stroll through the forest, not willing to go back up to a silent and for most purposes lonely Heaven. Why should he anyway? What was there that was so worth it for Balthazar?

He liked the lifestyle he has, well had before Castiel and his pet monkey's sought him out. It was liberating. It was freedom. It was isolated and private. It was only him. Yes he was following Castiel's footsteps, but at least Castiel had his so-called friends.

What did Balthazar have?!

No one. But to be fair, he did fake his own death and all that melodramatic nonsense. So his being alone wasn't anyone's fault. Not really anyway.

All of that though, was pointless. Right now he had to figure out what to do about the pesky craziness his only friend as befallen with. And perhaps save him from the company of that oozing and disgusting creature that once used to be human before her humanity was carved away. Hell, Balthazar didn't even know if she was that, a she. Sometimes the sense of gender and preferences tended to be cut away either on purpose or by accident as well.

Not that Balthazar cared. He didn't. Why should he?

He wasn't your cuddly help anyone who needs help kind of angel that humans desperately believed angels to be. He was selfish. He was into self-preservation. He wasn't exactly fallen, but he wasn't loyal either. He was rebellious at times, and other times just plain stubborn in his ignoring what he was supposed to be doing as an angel.

And that was obeying.

Balthazar kept walking and walking and walking until he stumbled onto a town with a run down motel just on the outskirts. He recognized the vehicle as one belonging to the two denim wrapped idiots used, it was none other then the precious impala they seemed to adore.

A dark surge of wishing them harm nearly knocked him off balance in a literal sense as he found himself leaning against a tree and panting.

He so badly wanted them to smite them.

By some miracle he turned his back and flew back to the city where Castiel was currently locked down in. There was more important things to do then torment a couple of lowly idiots about their failures before delivering him to Death personally. Death no doubt is getting tired and annoyed with the constant shifting between life and death those two boys do regularly anyway, he was due a reprieve from dealing with the boys.

Sitting on the bench in front of the hospital Balthazar decided to wait until the next day. After that he didn't know what he would do, all he knew was that he had do go back into that room the human way. With the use of a door. Castiel no doubt would think it was an illusion popping up if he just flew right into the room. And Balthazar didn't want to get called Lucifer again.

It was cruel and not to mention insulting.

Not for the first time he cursed the human tainted world for it's slow moving time. It must have been done so as a bad joke, his Father was known to have an odd sense of humor. After all look at the platypus. Odd little thing.

Balthazar would have preferred to have met the dinosaurs, at least they didn't talk back. But no he was just a faint being in existence then. A baby in human terms. So was Castiel. Back then they had a humanoid form and as they grew the less human they appeared. At times anyway. An angel in it's true form was light, power and everything and nothing. They adopt forms and shapes and shades of color from rainbows too rich to exist on this plain.

There wasn't enough languages and words in the human tongue that could truly do justice to how an angel really looked.

Humans couldn't withstand the sight of them in their true glorious forms. So they inhabit vessels to allow them the ability to speak with them. When it was necessary. And yes, permission needed to be granted and there has to be something in the make of that human vessel that allowed an angel to sit comfortably in the driver seat.

Balthazar got lucky with his. His vessel was someone who wasn't know to anyone, he was just your average Joe. Works nine to five every day. Eats take out and watches television like a person infected with the sin Sloth to some extent. Depression and the lack of ambition made him agree with a quick yes, anything to give him a sense of direction even if it was to simply be used like a pair of pants.

Balthazar put his mind to rest while he assumed control. No need to have a human watching everything Balthazar does with his free time.

Balthazar was aware of Castiel's vessels story. And felt a pang of sympathy for the human. It wasn't a good thing to watch yourself drift into corruption at the gentle managing of a demon with a silver tongue or to watch your body commit murder and betrayals and tortures. Balthazar wondered if Jimmy Novak would have said yes if he knew everything he knows now back when Castiel first came to him.

It was a tough question that could slide either way.

Someone was watching him. Frowning he looked around then up to Castiel's room and watched the demon glare at him. Balthazar didn't humor her with a reaction. Simply sat at the bench unseen to the human eye and waited.

And the funny thing was, he was perfectly content with his current agenda. It was odd but comforting. It gave him something to focus on. A routine that could take his mind off of smiting two monkeys and debating over issues of betrayals.

Closing his eyes he listened for any sign of angels talking or fighting or singing. He listened for his father as well. But not as desperately as Castiel did.

**Authoress Note: **Where do you think this should go next? I have a few idea's but I wouldn't mind hearing your thoughts. And if there's going to be a slash pairing, what would you like to see?


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Balthazar was furious. In fact furious was a gentle way of putting it. He felt like he was filled with so much rage that his own grace would evaporate and shrink into nothing more then a light as small as the size of a grown adult human. And that was puny compared to Balthazar's actual size.

Checking the time he noticed it was still only seven thirty in the afternoon. Time was being unbearably slow now that he was forced to deal with himself rather then be where he wished to be.

All because of a panic attack induced by Meg the demon bitch who seemed to have made it her mission in her pitiful existence to keep an eye on the broken Castiel for the Winchester brothers and for her own enjoyment, keep everyone other then them away.

She most likely twisted their words and their intentions. Surely they wouldn't want Castiel to be isolated. Right? Licking his lips he entered a human bar and ordered 'whatever was the strongest they had' at the moment he didn't care what it was.

He just needed something to occupy his time so he didn't smite an entire block just because of one insignificant little puff of black smoke scaring a human vessel. He pitied whoever that girl used to be before she was overtaken by a demon. And that in itself was odd, but then again even Balthazar wouldn't wish that fate onto anyone. Not even onto the Winchester brothers.

At this point he really didn't know what to do.

Well, that was a lie. He knew what to do, he had to get ride of the demon. It was the how that was the problem.

And for the next two hours of drinking the strongest stuff they had, much to everyone's shock because Balthazar wasn't even suffering from it's effects or dead from alcoholic poisoning. The said he was a machine.

Wrong, he was an angel. Not a very good one, but an angel nonetheless.

And that's when he heard it in someone's conversation. They were having problems with someone else in the workplace so another not yet drunk friend suggested to speak with the boss.

Balthazar smiled causing the bartender to back away in fear. After all, Balthazar's smile wasn't too friendly. In fact it could nearly put a demon to shame with the cruelty laced in it's confident stretch.

"Thank you mate, this was a lovely drink you served." Balthazar complimented and reached in his empty pocket and pulled out the exact cost plus a two hundred tip. The bartender's fear turned to graciousness causing Balthazar to sneer inwardly at the greed that action showed. There was a place in hell for those who's too consumed with greed, Balthazar knew that for a fact.

Casually leaving the bar and walking until there wasn't anyone watching him before flying off to find himself a crossroad and the supplies he needed in order to summon a very specific demon to sit at Balthazar's table.

Balthazar made sure that everything was in it's proper place. He even made sure to have the King of Hell's favorite drink set out neatly at a small round table with two chairs on either side. This was the sort of table you'd find at fancy little coffee shops in fancy little cities with it's fancy polished individuals. But it was chosen for it's show of professionalism and casualness that spoke volumes of how serious someone was.

And Balthazar was very serious. So without any further ado he performed the summoning ritual as easily as it was for healthy humans to breath. Satisfied Balthazar sat down at the table and waited calmly. Slipping into the mode he used when he played the part of a crossroad demon.

"Well, isn't this a surprise. And a bit ironic, don't you think?" An English accent greeted, not bothering to hide his amusement in the slightest. He wasn't the type, that much Balthazar clearly understood.

It took everything to not smite the demon approaching the table with curiosity at the gestures everything made. This was the demon who was partially responsible for the mess Castiel was currently sitting in. The only thing that kept Balthazar sitting there with a calm smile to greet the demon was the knowledge that he too would be dealt his just deserts in the end. And Balthazar will deliver it personally.

"It is ironic. An angel calling a demon to a crossroad." Balthazar agreed calmly as he indicated for the demon to sit as Balthazar played the part of good host and poured Crowley a drink and watched him take it with a professional and polite thank you as he sat.

"You're here to make a deal then? I'm confused, why would you do such a thing when you don't have a soul to offer up?" Crowley coolly said. Balthazar understood this game, it was like a game the humans played. It was a game of casual poker.

Balthazar played a few times.

"I'm not here to wheel and deal over souls, and yes I have souls and contracts." Balthazar calmly pointed out calmly. Taking a sip of his own drink while watching Crowley sniff his own drink like a connoisseur.

"Oh?" Crowley pushed, a simple shift in the act in letting the opposite business man taking the lead of the conversation in order to get all the in's and out's you could. Balthazar has done the same in his dealings.

"I moonlighted as a crossroad demon for a time." Balthazar stated, letting some of his cards go to show that he isn't someone naive or to be cowed or controlled easily. Balthazar unlike Castiel knew how to wheel and deal and look for fine prints.

"I suppose one needs a hobby." Crowley acknowledged but probably mentally back peddled. Balthazar wouldn't be surprised.

"Hardly. Merely testing the waters. Seeing what I like and what I don't like." Balthazar corrected, disdain on the fact that he lowered himself to such a level.

"And?" Crowley prompted, curiosity winning out. Balthazar took another sip and snorted. A human action but he could care less, let Crowley think he was more human then angel at the moment.

"I've figured out a few things, here and there. However, I'm not here to bullshit over dealings I've pulled off." Balthazar calmly explained as he poured Crowley another glass.

"Then why are you here angel." Crowley pushed the sickeningly casual conversation to it's intended direction. Both of them no doubt wanted nothing more then to cut this meeting short and be back in their perspective roles.

"I know the location of someone you want to re-educate. Nobody in your position likes knowing there's rebellious little children not listening to the rules their King makes. No?" Balthazar offered, setting more cards on the table but not the important cards.

"And you can tell me where this someone is?" Crowley asked, curiosity peaked but not enough to give away his own cards int his situation. Smart man, or should Balthazar say demon.

"I can do more then that, I can deliver the little pimple to you. Personally." Balthazar wheedled with a confident expression that didn't fit an angel well.

"For what? Souls?" Crowley poked, after all the demon would want to know what Balthazar could give if he himself didn't have a soul only grace that made up his existence.

"You are to leave one fallen angel alone. Not for a year topside or ten, but for good." Balthazar did it, that was it. He put his cards on the table and now it was up to Crowley to accept or not.

Balthazar watched as the expression darken on Crowley's face as he stood up abruptly and paced the open space of the crossroad. Balthazar simply remained sitting and sipping at his drink. He could see the moving parts in the demons mind working.

"I may even feel obligated to pay a little extra, a weapon that won't kill angels but it could damage souls while still tucked nicely away in their meat." Balthazar tempted, and the sick thing was that Balthazar would actually give that weapon away. It was a knife that looked much like Ruby's knife in the form of polished silver from handle to the tip of the blade. Demons and angels would kill for that weapon.

And Balthazar was willing to trade it off for Castiel's safety. Why after the betrayals? Why? But that question was a simple one for Balthazar to answer.

Castiel was worth it.

"What is the angel to you angel, that you would give me a weapon that could harm human souls topside and a demon to be tortured? Hm, what is so important about him when he seems to favor two humans more so then he ever did you? I heard him talk about the Winchester brothers. But not you, Balthazar. He never spoke of you. Not ever." Crowley's accented voice came out arrogant and cutting successfully making Balthazar steam.

But he showed no emotion.

"A debt to be paid. During the whole Crucifixion business with my Father's human son, Castiel got me out of trouble with a few rouge demons. I owe him." Balthazar calmly stated with a shrug, it was a lie but there was no rules that said that angels couldn't lie.

"I see."

It was obvious that the cursed demon didn't believe him, but thankfully didn't push. Now all he had to see was if Crowley would accept.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Once again Crowley was sitting across from Balthazar, a contemplative expression freely shown on his face. He probably wasn't used to dealing with someone who knew how to make deals with either fine print or be aware of the fine print. Balthazar was willing to give him some time, but only some. His patience would soon run out.

"How long have you been making deals?" Crowley mused casually as he polished off a third glass without the ill effects holding him down. They weren't human so they could polish off the bottle without the problem of becoming drunk or anything close to remotely intoxicated. So their ability to think on their feet would remain intact.

Speak the truth or speak a lie?

"Since the Armageddon that never was." Balthazar answered, truth it was. But then again, at this point in the game if he lied then Crowley wouldn't bite even if the demon would have no problem telling a lie if the positions were reversed. It was just how it was. Play with the cards he had.

"So I take it you were following in a certain angel's footsteps?" Crowley mused as he pushed the glass forward indicating that he wanted another glass. Balthazar obliged him, for now.

"Well to be honest he simply showed that it could be done without being struck down by our Heavenly father. The path I walked is my own." Balthazar calmly stated with a shrug as he poured himself another one as well. He drank no more then Crowley and no less.

"Quite the path..." Crowley acknowledged honestly, Balthazar knew that the demon did like to use honesty at times when it suited him best. Truth was a simple way of getting some things you want. Just like a well created lie. But lies only go so far as to where truth could be the way to gain a gift that keeps on giving.

"It is... Do we have a deal? Or are we going to bullshit some more?" Balthazar agreed before cutting to the chase before either of them run out of patience with this charade and things escalate to dangerous levels.

"Such language for an angel." Crowley mocked with some amusement unhidden in his words. Balthazar just raised a single eyebrow as a response.

Balthazar could only give a chuckle at that. It was kind of comical to say the least. But then again, truth was angels weren't squeaky clean choir vocalists. They can speak of destruction, torment and hellish things as easy as it was to either heal or destroy someone.

"I'm sure you heard worse from angels, and saw worse." Balthazar concluded calmly, they both knew what he was speaking of. Stories of the father of all demons passed down from demon to demon and the most recent situations would come to ones mind at his own words.

"Yes, your friend certainly showed me how cruel an angel could be." Crowley agreed calmly as he set the glass down and crossed his arms.

"Not such a nerdy goody-goody now is he." Balthazar agreed but there was a threat laced through the easily spoken words. Crowley would do best to heed that threat.

Crowley understood the threat, Balthazar could see that clearly as a guarded expression was held firmly as Balthazar was examined, possibly to see how serious the angel really was. And Balthazar kept eye contact and a serious expression. He was dead serious. He wasn't one to joke about something like this.

"So, a wayward demon and a knife that could harm human souls while still in their meat suites and in exchange I leave Castiel alone. For good. Now here's the kicker darling, what if he attacks me first? Would I be allowed to protect myself." Crowley mused, casual pretences once again missing in a manner that made you think it was never there in the first place. And the truth was, it wasn't. This was a demon and an angel dealing at a crossroad, there was nothing casual about it.

What would happen if Castiel regains his sanity and lashes out at Crowley in any given situation? Would it be fair or not if Balthazar let them have free reign over the situation?

"Defend yourself, but under no circumstances are you to seek him out or chase after him for revenge." Balthazar was choosing his words carefully and tying Crowley's hands in situations. That in itself should give Castiel a leg up and unfortunately in turn those two mud-monkey's depending on how the situations turn out. But it won't be much of a leg up on the Winchester's part.

Silence, the demon was obviously not happy with having his hands tied. But the temptations of the knife and a side bonus of a demon to re-educate was on his mind. It didn't help that Balthazar had the box that held the sharp blade gently inside was now on Balthazar's lap. It didn't leave physical damage, so no blood that you could see but the soul bleeds.

Souls bleed, fray and shrivel. Yes they don't break so easily but there always comes a time when your soul does die and sometimes you cease to exist or you become the very thing hunters hunt. A demon. It's not easy to create a demon much to popular belief, it takes at least a hundred years of constant physical pain and emotional trauma. Likes of which even Sam can't understand. Balthazar concluded that the damage was done to his soul because of Lucifer's frustrations and anger. Not a will to break and twist and turn.

That was Alastair's job as well as other demons who used to work in the pit. The pit is where demons were supposed to be made, not a cage built for angels who were corrupt and unworthy of Heaven's light and warm embrace.

"I suppose that's fair." Crowley concluded as he stood up and smugly waited for Balthazar to follow suite. Balthazar grudgingly did so, leaving the box safely on the table next to the near empty bottle of aged whiskey.

"A deal then." Balthazar stated calmly as he kept his arms to his die.

"A deal. You do realize how deals are sealed right?" Crowley taunted and when he was literally shocked with the fact Balthazar leaned in and did just that seal the deal with a simple but chaste kiss. Crowley was quick to react though, thoroughly enjoying himself at the angels expense. As soon as Balthazar felt that the contract was written within their very grace and what could pass as a demons essence, he broke the kiss with a simple frown in place. He didn't move to wipe his mouth with his sleeve, that was childish and human.

Balthazar wasn't human so he settled with the simple thought of, _eww_.

"I'll be taking this wonderful little knife and I'm sure you'll figure out where to deliver the demon." Crowley said obviously pleased with himself as he picked the knife up and disappeared. The drinks disappeared as well.

"Cheap bastard." Balthazar commented as he simply left the table where it was and flew back to the city where Castiel and that no good demon was located.

Time to get to work.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Balthazar wasn't a slouch in his skills as an angel and as a temporary crossroads demon even though he was far from such a low ranking existence. Crossroad demons never really saw beyond their own nature. Deals for souls. Souls for power. Power for more power. It was a endless cycle, and that is in it's own way their personal hells.

Balthazar knew it was the same for Crowley. He was smart, but even he couldn't stop. Always handing out deals with steep prices. Always seeking more power and once gained seeking out more. Just look at why there was so many demons, vampires and other undesirables in the world. Someone seeking power and grasping at more when they already had enough. More then enough.

And even now, problems were created for that single reason. From what he found out from that lowly demonic puff of smoke. But that was irrelevant. His attention was on the current and most important thing he could think of.

Castiel. A friend. His betrayer. A helpless angel in need. His first friend. The only angel he really tolerated. Everyone else was pompous and fanatical idiots. There was something special about Castiel. Something different, unique among similar shapes and thinking.

This was an angel who loved their father's creations even to a deeper level then even Michael who was the first to bow when told. He might not have been the first angel to fall, but he was the first to fall and fight for the human race. To change it's destiny and to help save two boys destined to be vessels and die.

But he was the first to start a civil war since Lucifer's defeat and fall.

Balthazar shifted his weight, practically tasting the demon in the air as she exited the hospital. Balthazar turned his attention from her to Castiel who seemed very uncomfortable with her lack of presence. Balthazar would have to change that.

Spreading his wings he took off only to land a few seconds later within the room Castiel was in. Eyes widened in panic and wariness that pulled heartstrings.

"Castiel." Balthazar tried calmly as he reached his hand out, an offering for Castiel to take it.

"You're not real... Why do you keep coming back!?" Castiel demanded angrily as he stopped pacing and glowered.

"Back?" Balthazar asked, he only stopped here once and got called Lucifer for it.

"If you're not in here, you're out there on the bench on the roof and in my head." Castiel snarled out wildly swinging his arms to indicate where he meant, eyes still wide. A contradiction to the snarled tone. His true voice cracking just underneath.

The madness has been taking a toll on his old friend.

"I apologize for not having the courage to enter those times, but I'm here now. Believe me, I am real. I am Balthazar, your old friend who fought by your side so long ago." Balthazar calmly pleaded with his friend, not willing to leave this time without Castiel realizing that it is true.

"No! You're not rea..." Castiel started to insist with a firm shake of his head, but was interrupted by a rather stubborn Balthazar. He wasn't leaving this time until Castiel saw him for what he was. And what he was, was real.

"If I'm not real, then you would not be able to touch _me_. To _feel_ me. To _feel_ my grace. Take my hand Castiel. Take it and know that I'm not kidding you. That I'm not Lucifer or any other illusion meant to hurt you." Balthazar reasoned as he persistently held his hand out to the trembling angel.

"...no..." Castiel weakly said, staring at the hand. Not believing in what was just said, Balthazar sighed slightly.

Balthazar looked uncharacteristically sad, considering he was a gruff angel as it was who was often sarcastic and a tad bit jaded. He rarely showed sorrow. He was sooner to joke around then shed a tear. Yet he sobbed like a lost child in the view of a crossroad he used as his own.

This could be disastrous depending on how Castiel reacted. And by the looks of it he wasn't going anywhere, the demon probably requested that he remained in the room while she was away. Damn conniving no good demon.

Taking an unneeded deep breath, Balthazar used the hand he held out to latch onto Castiel's wrist before he could move out of range. Instantly the other angel started to thrash against the hold, forgetting about his inhuman strength and knowing full well at the same time. The windows and lights on the entire floor of this hospital shattered. Grace and ozone tinged the air with uncharacteristic power belonging to an angel.

Still Balthazar held fast. He wasn't letting Castiel go, if the Winchester brothers were too weak to fight for Castiel then Balthazar will fight for him and win. He cannot lose!

Fighting with Castiel's struggling was aggravating, and with his grace still feeling slightly weaker then it should be Balthazar feared the panicking angel could escape. Sparks could be seen where light bulbs once lite the room.

"I'm real..." Balthazar said, it became his mantra as he kept repeating it to Castiel until the angel stopped yanking away and struggling coming short of taking chunks out of Balthazar's arm.

"I'm here." Balthazar promised to a struggling Castiel as he managed by some miracle to pull the fretting angel closer into a rather awkward hug. If you could call it that. Balthazar was busy holding a struggling Castiel against him.

Wrapping his wings, unseen by humans, around the struggling angel. Letting his grace reach forward and sooth the pained grace of Castiel. Balthazar's very own grace promising Castiel one thing. One thing only in two simple and heavy words.

_I'm here... _

The struggling stopped and Balthazar waited. His grip didn't loosen but it shifted into a more comfortable position rather then being there to restrain. Now it was to hold. Balthazar never understood the whole gesture of manliness considering that he technically didn't have a gender to begin with. Not truly. Brother, Sister, She, He, Him, Her all were simple devices that barely scratched the surface with angels.

"Balthazar..." A soft uncharacteristically weak voice whispered, muffled by Balthazar's shoulder. Balthazar hummed slightly, petting Castiel's hair.

Balthazar believed it more now then before that his purpose was to lift Castiel back up. To heal him. To fix him the way the brothers failed to do so. Balthazar will find a way to cure Castiel of his madness and restore him to his former glory before Crowley sunk his dirty claws into him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Balthazar managed to finally had Castiel comfortably resting in one of Balthazar's hideaway. In fact he took a quick fondness to the Bonsai tree's he had lining a wall in one of the many rooms Balthazar only has for the sake of having it. After all, he liked to have choices. This room, that room, upstairs, down stairs. Outside, inside. It was all the same, all choices he liked to have.

He just hoped that Castiel didn't follow him. Once he convinced Castiel that he was real, Castiel uncharacteristically latched onto him. Apologized with a board game that was so awfully constructed and thought up Balthazar could honestly weep in pity for the poor fools who played it. Sorry, what a horrible name.

Castiel seemed to be fond of another board game, or floor game. Twister. That one had Balthazar perplexed slightly, were humans really trying to train their young for orgies? What a foolish species. Balthazar kept quiet though, deciding that it was best to keep the little training device innocent for Castiel.

Although as much as he would have loved to help his friend settle in, he had a deal to finish up. Not one for souls, but for Castiel. This wasn't like most paved roads of good intentions, Balthazar won't fall and won't go farther then this. Why did he need to anyway? He had what he wanted. More or less.

Well, he wanted to smite the two Winchesters for failing Castiel but he'll settle for just having Castiel if he had to. No problem. If they pissed him off on the other hand, all bets are off.

Balthazar finally found the little demon as she sat at a bar. Curling his lip in disgust he watched for a moment longer. She obviously decided her needing a break from an insane angel was worth the risk. She'd be mistaken.

Balthazar was on the prowl.

And he was a predator, an apex one of sorts. Why because unlike most of the other predators on this planet, he had fewer weaknesses then they did. Holy Oil was just about it, and other angels. Though he had to be honest with himself right now. His grace was still weakened. A demon might stand a chance against him. Maybe.

A trash can was knocked down causing Balthazar to look away for only two seconds. When he looked back the demon Meg was missing. Hissing he stood up on alert. Where did she go?! Damn!

Balthazar looked around calmly, not trying to draw attention as he stood up and walked down the direction the fallen trashcan was, the very thing that made him lose his prey. He was hoping this would be a simple pick up and drop off. Let Crowley do what he wanted with the Demonic nobody, old school demon who's following in dead kings footprints.

If she was smart, she should have sucked up to the current King of Hell. But obviously she wasn't smart enough to let go of her own ego and pride. Foolish, foolish girl. Now her fate is sealed.

Balthazar backed away from the bar, fully prepared to fly away and either search for the demon or go home to Castiel. Unfortunately things aren't so kind to Balthazar as he turned around to do one or the other he was literally punched in the face by the very demon he was hunting.

"You think I'm stupid enough to know when I'm being followed angel." Meg mocked as she stood back, putting space between them like anyone with half a brain would if they were fighting with an angel. Yes angel's were heavy hitters and they can smite as quickly and as easily as human breaths the gift of oxygen. But they preferred fighting in close combat, one didn't always know that because not many fought angels and lived to tell the tale. Unless you were two idiotic hairless apes with luck worse then someone who lost a lucky rabbit foot.

"I don't know, sweetheart. You seem pretty stupid to me. Your days are finished, you realize that don't you. You have no place in Hell that will fit a demon with your arrogance and old school thinking... And topside, well you're pathetic enough to have to ally yourself with two idiots who probably want your head when everything's said and done." Balthazar taunted as he stood up, ignoring the trickle of blood coming from his nose.

He was a warrior, so he knew when to worry about blood and when to ignore it. He also knew how to think like one, and this time he failed to do that. She should have never been able to sneak up on him!

"Says the angel who's trying so hard to be something you're not." Meg hissed. She obviously doesn't take kindly to being mocked. Too bad for her because Balthazar didn't care. He was an angel with his own prerogative and his own agenda's.

"I'm not pretending to be anything anymore. No more games little girl. I'm finished with toying around with this and that, soiling my hands with petty things. Souls. No, I have what I want in this existence so no more faking. Unlike you." Balthazar said casually, a shrug of his shoulders to further prove his own words.

"Oh sweetie, don't forget I'm old school. I have tricks up my sleeve taught to me by my late master, Alastair." Meg taunted and within seconds clenches her hand in a fist in front of her, a sadistic gleam now clearly shining in her eyes not matching the meat suite she was wearing.

Under normal situations, this little move that the demon made wouldn't have worked at all. It would have been felt like a twinge of what could have been pain if it wasn't so faint. A demon was truly and normally defenceless against the soldiers of Heaven. Angels. They would be running from the highest of angels, Archangels if there was any left living or free from the cage. Fear and tremble before a wrath of an angel. In the olden days when things made sense and angels and demons had a clear role to play. No grey area, just white and black. A large chess board filled with important and unimportant pieces.

Now the board is scattered on the floor and white and black were now shattered and corrupted into grey. And this, this wasn't a normal situation.

Balthazar was weakened from surviving with everything he had at the time.

And he felt a different kind of pain then betrayal. This one was purely physical. Balthazar couldn't figure out if it was him or the vessel that was hurting, where one started the other ended more or less. And this trick she learnt from her master, a master the righteous man once shared taught her well.

Balthazar was never one who liked being threatened with pain and he despised having to feel what it was. It made him feel human! He didn't realize that he was on his knee's until he felt the concrete of the pavement in the alleyway crunch underneath his iron fists. Balthazar's face he knew without a doubt would be crossed between rage and pain.

"Hey!"

**Authoress Note: **Bonus points for whoever could tell me who yelled "Hey" XD


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Balthazar picked up the sound of the familiar sounds of a gun's trigger being squeezed in a confident motion. The gun holder had experience, years of it. Not that it mattered to Balthazar as he glowered angrily at who was holding the said gun.

The pain stopped and the gun was trained on the demon target of his. Balthazar thanked his stars that it was not Castiel who was literally scatter brained. But he wasn't entirely lucky either. There stood one of his least liked human on this current continent.

Dean Winchester.

Making his way to his feet with as much dignity as he could muster, which wasn't entirely hard considering how long he was a soldier and how many scraps and hurts he had to pull himself up from. They held his most painful and fondest of memories. Castiel was there to sooth the pain away from some of his injuries leaving a quiet peacefulness between them that was never duplicated with anyone else. He was sure and hoped that Castiel at one time felt the same.

Or perhaps not considering he stabbed Balthazar in the back, literally.

"Dean! What a pleasant sur-" Meg started, obviously aware of her situation due to the caution laced within her words, her back towards a wall away from either of them. Good girl. Annoying girl. Soon to be a dead girl. Hopefully.

"Save it Meg! What happened here?!" Dean snapped, gun still trained on her but arm going lax. A slight sign that he wasn't fond of the idea of pulling the trigger so close to public ears and eyes and fully prepared to do just that if he had to. Like any good hunter.

Balthazar licked his bottom lip for a moment before looking at the surroundings. No one else, where was the younger freakishly tall sibling? Or the Impala as well, Balthazar didn't hear the familiar sounds that deathtrap made. To Balthazar it was a useless machine that holds too many sentimental value to be normal. But, whatever. He didn't care.

"I was having a drink when this _angel_ attacked me." Meg explained, a lie. Balthazar didn't attack her. Well, not yet anyway. That was coming. But that was besides the point. She lied. Demons, go figure.

"Love if I attacked you, you wouldn't be standing there flapping that mouth of yours sweetheart." Balthazar corrected in a condescending tone.

"Which brings me to my next question, how the fuck did you survive. The last I heard you were dead." Dean started in, and Balthazar eyed him slightly as one would when a chimp was making hoots and chirps for attention.

"Surprise, surprise." Balthazar bit out, the longer he was in the presence of this hairless ape the more frustrated he got. This human, this thing in front of him failed to look after Castiel and worse left some demon to babysit when the hunter should have done it himself if he cared at all.

"He pulled a fast one on you Dean, obviously." Meg taunted as she backed away but didn't flee, she was smarter then that. She couldn't flee because she didn't want to attract other demon's attention and wanted to keep Dean Winchester's confidence in place, not that there was much in the first place if the hateful look he gave her stood for anything.

They did after all have the same teacher. And Meg personally messed around with there lives with the whole Azazel fiasco. It was a wonder that she was still alive. It just went to show how incompetent these Winchesters could be at times, though even Balthazar could admit that they weren't completely useless. Nearly, but not completely.

Balthazar simply watched for a moment as they passed colorful insults back at each other and snide cutting remarks. He could tell that Dean was only a hairs width away from pulling the trigger.

As much as he would have loved to sit back and let these two morons entertain him, he had a deal to take care of. And get back to Castiel. He needed to look after the fallen and broken angel. Castiel needed Balthazar.

Mustering enough energy he pushed Dean down and five feet away from where he used to be standing. By the movements told him that the human obviously landed wrong and the favoring of an arm told him just that. How weak.

With the human out of his way he lunged forward and latched onto the demons upper arm and curled his other hand into a fist before giving her meat suite a nose job that left her face bloody. Serves her right, and kept her docile long enough to fly away from the area with the demon in rough tow along side him.

When he landed she landed with a thud and a curse. Balthazar moved away from her like she was filth that he didn't want to soil himself with. And that was what a demon was to him.

"Where am I! Where did you take me!" Meg demanded, about to remind Balthazar about her being Castiel's babysitter. Not that Balthazar could forget and he burned in slow fury for that fact alone.

Balthazar simply informed her in a cold tone befitting a true soldier of the Lord,

"I wish I could pity you demon, but it's not in my nature to pity anything." And it was only partially true, he was quite capable of pitying someone or something. But let her chew on what he said for awhile.

She got to her feet defiantly and her fists tightly at her side knowing full well that she was put out of the advantage, they were secluded and it was Balthazar's move. Not that he was going to make one when a cultured voice in an English accent interrupted everything with a pleasant greeting,

"Meg, how nice of you to drop in."

Balthazar watched as she hissed angrily and two demons seized each of her arms tightly and unforgiving. Once more he wished he could pity her, but he can't and he won't.

"This holds up my part of the deal, now you just hold up your own part of the deal." Balthazar casually said, the coldness dropping into a more casual tone.

"Of course love, a deal is a deal. Now off with you, Meg and I have things to deal with." Crowley acknowledged turning a near feral grin onto her. One that spoke of sadistic pain. A clear cut reminder of who and what Crowley was and why he held the position he did. And it wasn't out of kindness.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Balthazar didn't regret what he has done. Like a mindless drone, he could be single minded when it was well suited to what he wants. And what he wants is that demon away from Castiel, who was his brother and a friend. A dear friend.

For a mild second he almost could have sworn that a touch of possessiveness nearly crept up on him. But that was something that didn't fit well into who and what he was. So he blocked it off well enough and picked up a random board game in case his scatter brained friend was there and decided to be childish.

The board game was tucked underneath his arm as he appeared in the main entrance to his house. The door securely locked behind him.

"Castiel." Balthazar called out, as he reached out with his mind trying to figure out where his angel wondered off to. And Balthazar thanked his unseen father that the angel didn't leave the grounds. Instead he was outside and staring up into a tree.

"Castiel." Balthazar repeated calmly as he set the game down on the outside table and approached the distracted angel. Not a good thing for an angel, in fact it could get you killed. After all, Angels whether they were on Earth or in Heaven, sane or insane are still soldiers in the end of the day.

By the time he stopped beside Castiel and looked up at the tree, a lovely specimen if Balthazar said so himself. It looked like every other tree, a regular pine tree but Balthazar could see the subtle differences just like he could see the many shades of sin and righteousness on a human soul. All tree's, everything on this earth was unique no matter how similar it was to something else. Twins, copies as well. Human eyes and minds were too simplistic to really understand that.

"It is 23 years old..." Castiel sprouted out, following that one simple statement came a whole explanation on this type of tree. Not that Balthazar needed a lesson on tree's but the sound of Castiel's voice despite how broken and human it sounded was a welcomed gift. Balthazar listened intently.

Only after the tree lesson did Castiel look away from it and turned his sharp and insane gaze onto Balthazar who greeted him with a friendly smile. A human trait that suited Balthazar just fine.

"Sorry I took so long today mate, didn't really think business would take me that long..." Balthazar calmly explained, another lie and another wrong doing by his own grace given to him by their creator, their father. Their Lord in Heaven who is currently M.I.A which wasn't the greatest thing around.

"Buying souls?" Castiel asked as he stopped half way to the house and regarded Balthazar with another stare that felt like those sort of looks human's get when they needed to confess something and speak the truth without delay.

"No, not today..." Balthazar said, what he didn't say was that he was finishing up a deal and handing over the second part of his deal over to Crowley in order to protect Castiel. It was all for his friend, the only Angel he was ever able to stand for more then a few minutes without losing patience or wishing to be elsewhere.

"Good..." Castiel muttered more so to himself as he nodded and headed to the porch only to stop at the sight of the game.

Balthazar wanted to flinch and whine for forgiveness only he didn't know who he was asking for forgiveness from. Shaking that thought away he watched as Castiel looked at the game with fondness, he truly was like an overgrown child. A broken child. But he wasn't alone, Balthazar was here.

"That's for you... Saw that you had games, figured you should have another." Balthazar said as he pointed to the board game. He rather did like the smile that graced the usually stoic vessel Castiel wore.

"This game requires two players... I am only one." Castiel said as he read the box, smile slightly disappearing. Like a child. Balthazar rubbed the lower back, a move that would be understood by other angels as one that was friendly and not out to touch wings. It was frowned upon to touch another angel's wings without their exact permission. But the loophole to that was that you could use your wings to touch anyone you please, a pretty wide loophole. Still every angel still alive and dead followed this rule.

"I'll play the game with you." Balthazar promised, he had no idea how to play the foolish game but he'll learn or Castiel will teach him like he did about the tree Balthazar already knew about. Either way, knowing how to play the game or not didn't matter. What mattered was the child wide grin now present on a face that shouldn't be showing much emotion because that was how Castiel was, how he always was.

But Balthazar will make due.

With that he led his broken friend inside with the game. Castiel was already reading the instructions and explaining how to play the game to Balthazar who nodded and took note of how to play. His heart clenched at the fact that his friend was so broken like this, but as far as Balthazar was concerned he hit rock bottom and now there was only up. Balthazar will help him up.

They ended up picking a spot in a large room with large windows and a hot tub off to the right. Balthazar used the hot tub several times. He may not like humans all that well but he liked the materialistic things they've invented throughout history and he liked their idea's of pleasure. A quirk that was bred into them since day one, and a quirk they had to overcome in certain aspects of their existence and learn how to do it properly and as respectful as one can. Balthazar knew they both failed and succeeded in this area, not that he really cared. He just used everything he felt like now.

Castiel examined it for a moment before sitting across from Balthazar while setting up the game board and pieces. Apparently he was to be a shoe and Castiel wanted to be a hat. Fake cash was set up and other game board pieces. Monopoly already looked to be a tedious game. He should have bought that snakes and latter one.

Balthazar simply let Castiel lead and went with whatever idle chit chat the broken angel came up with.

**Authoress Note:** Sorry I took so long in updating this story...


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Life carried on like that for a bit, Balthazar would go out and bring back games. He would talk to Castiel and try as he might to get him to open up and understand that he didn't have to feel so bad anymore. Everyone falls, everyone makes mistakes. And betrayals might have happened but they do not rule what happens next, not in Balthazar's mind.

But it all came back to one thing, the betrayal and the Winchesters. It frustrated Balthazar because as childish as he might have felt he couldn't help but think, _what about me? _

Was he not betrayed as well?! Castiel stabbed him in the back! Castiel tried to kill him! All because Balthazar was pulling a page out of Castiel's big book about betrayals. But he bit his tongue after the first few times he snapped at Castiel and was forced to hunt the wayward angel down who ran away. He hated confrontations now. Castiel was never afraid or avoided confrontations before.

Balthazar watched from the doorway as Castiel amused himself with the game twister. It wasn't a game you should play on your own, but Balthazar didn't feel like playing games. Castiel already tried to get him to play games and tried to get him to play the game sorry.

It felt like a mockery even though Balthazar knows it wasn't intended as such.

A tug caught his attention, he was being summoned.

Frowning he shook it off long enough to approach Castiel and touched his shoulder gently.

"Castiel, I have to go again. Some moron is summoning me. Don't get yourself into trouble and help yourself to anything you want." Balthazar calmly explained as Castiel shifted so he was sitting in front of a crouched Balthazar. It was unnerving on how much attention he now gets from Castiel. The broken angel has been clinging to him more and more as time passed. And now, hates it when Balthazar has to leave him.

It broke Balthazar every time they had to go through this.

"Can I come?" Castiel asked, childlike hope shining through as he stared Balthazar down with his usual soul searching gaze. Balthazar would liken it to a puppy dog stare.

"No, I have to go alone and I don't know who's on the other side." Balthazar said, ignoring how heartbroken his angel seemed for a moment before coming up with something new.

"Could be a trap... You might need someone with you." Castiel tried, this was new. Castiel usually avoided bringing up the aspect of fights or conflicts as a possibility. Usually Castiel would suggest to come along as an assistant or mascot or a look out. He even suggested that he could be a bumble bee, Balthazar had to tell him that a bumble bee would not be able to hold Castiel's grace so he in fact could not be a bumble bee.

Which led to the aggravating situation of him stripping and attracting bumble bee's, disappearing and landing on the Impala's hood. It took a bit of work to get Castiel out of there before Dean Winchester had enough sense to act when the shock wore off.

"No love, I'm good. I can handle myself." Balthazar said as he placed a kiss to Castiel's forehead, a new habit he found himself having to do often. Just like he had to be near Castiel sometimes. Even if it was sitting on the couch watching pointless animated shows with lions and other things. Disney he thinks the brand of shows was under. The shows were boring and horribly inaccurate.

"Oh..." Castiel said, though he sounded so heartbroken. Balthazar gave a sad smile as a response, an apology dying on his lips as he gave another peck to Castiel's forehead and brushing the bangs away from the forehead for a moment before disappearing.

Balthazar reappeared in the general area he was being summoned to. The Winchesters. Any sad emotion he was experiencing was swallowed up by irritation and anger. With an angry huff he stormed into the cabin and eyed the two Winchester's with scolding annoyance.

The youngest seemed uncomfortable with the confrontational look and Dean returned it with a vengeance. There was a meek boy curled up on a chair. Balthazar just had to look at him to know who and what the boy was. A prophet.

"Well?" Balthazar demanded as he crossed his arms and relaxed against a wall inwardly chuckling at some of the mistakes in sigils.

"Where's Cas! He's not at the hospital where we left him..." Dean snarled out, it was obvious that this was bothering him. But not enough in Balthazar's opinion. The human should be groveling on the ground.

"With a demon." Balthazar added in a disapproving tone.

"What else were we supposed to do?" Sam asked, Balthazar could hear how tired the youngest Winchester was. Good! Balthazar glowered inwardly, he wasn't entirely fond of these two at all so forgive him if he didn't have any sympathy for them.

"Oh, how about this... Look after him? Protect him? Actually show you give a damn about him." Balthazar shot back.

"We do..." Dean started, it was obvious that he cared about Castiel but he as everyone else has made mistakes in now to show it. Maybe it was because he was so stunted in life?

"That's why you use him every chance you got since you first met him? He _fell_ for you Dean Winchester. He _rebelled_ for you. He fought against everything that he is for your humanity's sake. And then... Then he starts a war to protect you from having to deal with the Apocalypse again. Sorry if he made mistakes, but he's only learnt from you two. After all you two were the first to show him that working with demons could be a useful tactic!" Balthazar snarled, arms stiff at his side and fists so tight they would have broken the bones in his vessel's hands if it wasn't for Balthazar's grace filling the human up to the brim.

It hurt the both of them and they shockingly backed off. The curled up boy didn't know how to react at all and looked increasingly uncomfortable. Balthazar had to close his eyes to regain control of himself. He so badly wanted to crush them where they stood and pull the bones right out of their bodies while they still lived. But he won't because Castiel cared for these two idiots. Even after everything and every failure the boys jumped on in failing to be a friend to Castiel.

"What do you want..." Balthazar finally asked without any emotion at all.

"We need help." Sam started, Dean's back was turned and he was visibly vibrating. He too was trying to regain control and probably trying to swallow another self-loathing pill to add to the rest of the depressing emotions the eldest has to deal with. Probably really trying hard to swallow the knowledge he probably was already aware of.

"Obviously... What do you want?" Balthazar snapped.

"They need a fallen angel's blood... Um, sir." The Prophet answered. And Balthazar scowled in his direction. So they were going to ask for more from Castiel after everything they already took from him.

Balthazar was more then willing to snap at them, tear them down verbally and tell them to find another way when he knows there isn't.

"Is this what you need?" A friendly broken voice sounded from the doorway. Balthazar jumped to see that Castiel was already filling a vile of blood adding in a happy tone,

"Always happy to bleed for the Winchester's." It broke Balthazar's heart. Why! What about him? He was trying to protect Castiel, keep him from this conflict. Everything. He was trying to heal him.

And yet, he happily came here after Balthazar told him not to and was once again willing to help two miserable little boy's who just take and take and take!


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Everything was falling into place according to the Winchester's plan. They managed to get a hold of Crowley's blood, freely given. The demon was wise enough to not say a word of the deal Balthazar made and seemed to sympathize with him in being stuck with the denim wrapped nightmares as he came to consider them, something of which Balthazar was going to have to remember. It was another insult against the two mud-monkeys.

Dean supposedly forgave Castiel, and that was why he was going along with Dean on this suicide mission. It broke Balthazar's heart. And he doesn't handle things like that well, he actually had to leave the cabin and found a spot to sit out of their eyesight. They hardly noticed, they had their angel back. And obviously not trying to get his forgiveness for the mistakes those cursed humans made.

He was tempted to strap the two of them on racks and talk Crowley into testing that new knife. In fact Balthazar probably would have stuck around, have the demon teach him a thing or two about tor-

"Balthazar." Castiel's unnatural cheerful voice called out. He was still wearing what Balthazar provided him with, better then the clothing for the crazy he was wearing before. Only now he was wearing that awful jacket he was always seen with on top of everything.

Balthazar didn't trust his own voice at the moment as Castiel sat beside him, head tilted in consideration of a bush in front of them.

"You love me..." Castiel said calmly, for once sounding almost sane. If not for the fact that this was an angel albeit a fallen one speaking of emotions like love.

"Of course..." Balthazar started to say, though it unnerved him because emotions weren't really what he liked to deal with so they were either blurred together or pushed aside. Mostly. It didn't really matter all that much.

"Not that way... You're heart is broken at my siding with the Winchesters on this, with Dean." Castiel said with a sad smile and a nod. Balthazar caught on to what he meant though and frowned for it.

Love, something like that was far more powerful of a weapon then hatred. Hatred only made Lucifer fall once. Love made Castiel fall over and over again and become more and more damaged. It was dangerous.

Balthazar shrugged his shoulders.

"You know this is a suicide mission, do you really expect to live and have your humans live against things that could swallow entire garrisons?" Balthazar said as he refused to look at the fallen angel next to him who was now playing with leaves at his feet. Like a child.

Castiel said nothing more for a good five minutes, inside the cabin the other three were preparing and the Impala was already uncovered and ready to be used. It was only a means of figuring out who was to drive it in order to create a diversion. They wanted to go in big and loud. Foolish. Castiel was on board with the stupid idea.

All because he was forgiven. Foolish. The Winchesters should be asking for forgiveness as well!

They sho...

"You love me. You will come... Please, I need you to come." Castiel finally said as he stood up just as Dean was going to exit the cabin and call for Castiel to come, Balthazar gritted his teeth. He could sense the Winchesters cared for Castiel, but they were so badly stunted they couldn't show it fully. Did they even know how?!

Closing his eyes tight for the moment before standing up and following his broken friend. His dearest friend who just recently started to yap about things that neither of them could touch on, should touch on. Something that in another time, Balthazar would have touched on.

Balthazar didn't trust his voice again and sneered inwardly at himself. He was a soldier for crying out loud, a worrier of Heaven's army and yet simple words fail him.

As soon as they were in the cabin Balthazar simply announced that he would give them their diversion. Dean put up a slight fuss about his car, the stupid metal death trap. Balthazar simply said was very capable of driving and would do it while he went with Castiel to kill the head of the Leviathans. There was no other way around it.

So they did, and Balthazar was reminded of what it liked to fight like an angel again. More so then his usual sneak and stabs while helping Castiel out with the civil war. There was no fancy weapons like back then.

Bleach, angel killing blade and a slightly damaged impala.

Balthazar let his mind go blank of anything close to human and simply functioned as the soldier he used to be. Any Leviathan he took down was foolish and got arrogant in thinking they had the upper hand. They were dead on the ground in seconds. Weaker then the heads of this stupid creature.

Balthazar made his way into the building, cutting down anyone foolish enough to get in his way.

The sound of a fight and then, then silence. Which wasn't natural. Not natural at all. Balthazar's heart sunk, he prayed that Castiel was okay.

He wished he said those human words back to Castiel when he had the chance. Balthazar wished he was just being dramatic. He wished...

Balthazar's head snapped up at the declaration that Sam was truly alone now.

Not a moment longer he sensed only Sam in the room, distraught and alone. Balthazar entered the room, instantly Sam was at his side like a lost puppy. A disgusting state for the Winchester to be in, but Balthazar wasn't in any better of a state of mind.

Castiel was gone!

"What happened Winchester." Balthazar demanded, Sam ran a hand through his feminine hairstyle that made him look like a shaggy giant before explaining everything to him.

Balthazar simply listened, there wasn't anything else to do but listen.

"What do we do now..." Sam finally asked after finishing his explanation.

That was the million dollar question.

All he know was that Castiel was gone. His favorite mud-monkey was gone as well. Sam was pacing the room, looking for clues for no reason because he wasn't going to find anything. Kevin the prophet was taken by Crowley.

"Purgatory..." Balthazar said calmly.

"What?" Sam asked, going deadly still. A worried tone was creeping into his voice, and rightfully so.

"If my hunch is right, and it always is... They're in Purgatory. Crowley must have know this would happen, left it out on purpose." Balthazar calmly explained while thinking in a very dark mood that the demon went outside the boundaries of their deal, harm came to Castiel directly from him not telling them the last part of this information.

He was going to kill Crowley! The demon was dead!

But first things first.

"How do we get them out?" Sam asked, obviously hardening himself again because he has a purpose again. Balthazar could feel a faint hope that maybe this time he could save his brother. Balthazar could sympathize.

"I have no idea... This is above my pay grade mate. Above yours as well, however there might be people who may know things about it." Balthazar explained calmly. It would appear he and the youngest Winchester have a common goal.

Castiel was gone for now, with his pet monkey.

But Balthazar.

He was still here.

**Authoress Note: **I know that there wasn't really anything to do with Balthazar/Castiel accept for the touching on that part of the emotions on Castiel's part (crazy as he might be, he wasn't lying). And I know this seems like an abrupt end, probably not the best. But I have intentions of doing a one shot sequel or something like that to wrap up this little world. So bare with me here.


End file.
